If He Exist
by loveforcolours
Summary: I didn’t want to love him, but somehow his eyes, his hair, and his personality pulled me in and I fell. Edward & Bella One-Shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, or Edward Cullen (AWE!) or Bella Swan, or any of the characters in the book for that matter. I don't own the twilight quotes either. (there are about two or three in this story). All that stuff belongs to Stephanie Meyer!**

**Summary: **I didn't want to love him, but somehow his eyes, his hair, and his personality pulled me in and I fell.

**A/N; This is my first ever twilight story / one-shot. I didn't mean to make it sad. I AM A HUGE TEAM EDWARD supporter, so don't accuse me of anything. haha. Hope you like it! Story is dedicated to my favorite twilight fangirls on MVF! ilu guys! R&R**

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It's like a new beginning. A baby given birth. Born into a new world he or she has yet to discover.

That's how I felt when I met him.

Some odd unknown force pulled me towards him. I really couldn't care less for him at the time, but that force was just so much stronger than I am like everything else around me.

I'd bet a squirrel would be stronger than me.

Every time I see him he would cast his beautiful topaz eyes on me and for that moment everything around me blurred out of sight and I would suddenly forget to breath. I would just have to keep reminding myself to breath, and he would chuckle, his sweet velvety chuckle. I swore to myself that I would one day pass the test of getting use to it, but I never managed to pass and fail miserably.

I never understood why he wanted me, but I am extremely grateful. For, he is not only the reason I live for, but he is so much more that you can never explain with words.

He and I both knew from the first day he had kissed me that this may not end well, or better yet it may not happen at all. But we fought together through everything that came our way, and we made it.

Proving that our love could exist.

Only he can give me the most amazing feeling whenever I'm around or with him.

The feeling that I could never ever get used to. No matter how many centuries I would spend with him.

Centuries. The word made me sad.

I shook out the sadness. Hoping it would fly away with the wind.

The feeling of warmth despite his stone cold skin.

The feeling of comfort.

The feeling of love.

Love seemed like such a funny word at the moment.

I laughed bitterly to myself.

I missed that feeling. That feeling of love and of comfort. That feelings that makes my blushes turn 17 different shades of red.

He said he liked my blushes once, and that he would miss it if I were to turn immortal.

I laughed again.

My heart would try to jump out of my chest every time he touches or kisses me. Occasionally my heart would just reset at the slightest touch of his cool fingertips.

His name was Edward Cullen.

When I mention his name or even think about it, a new fresh wave of tears would wash over me. My head would throb and my heart would thud frantically; Searching for a rescue that could never be found.

I first spotted him on my first day at Forks High in the cafeteria. I didn't think at the time that I would actually fall for him.

Of course I've fallen before, but all the times I've fallen is probably because of my clumsiness.

From tiny microscopic rocks to my own two feet, I can basically trip over anything. I should have had a sign on my shirt or my back saying, "DANGER. Accident Prone Magnet."

Silly, but yet so true.

Or I should have had a sign that said, "Don't let me fall."

I can definitely see the irony in that one.

Because I fell hard. Not even a band aid Edward could've given me could have patched up the scar. The scar that left a mark on me. The scar was him.

Edward like a scar would always be part of me wherever and whatever I go or do. I couldn't bare to let him go. The scar would be with me always, forever.

I closed my eyes soaking in the sunshine that rarely occurs here in Antarctica. The gentle breeze still formed goose bumps on my cold hard skin.

Antarctica.

Who would've thought that I'd end up here in a freezing cold place with... penguins.

"_Penguins. Lovely." _

His velvety voice slipped into my mind again.It was so clear it scared me.

I smiled as I struggled to remember how we were suddenly talking about penguins that day.

Edward had mentioned penguins and Antarctica before. Maybe that's why I'm here.

The sun shone brightly into my eyes.

Somehow my imagination made the bright big circle turn into topaz eyes. Staring at me.

Topaz. Topaz. Topaz.

That has become my favorite color and gemstone ever since I met him. The gold tint smolders making it impossible for me to not tell him the truth all the time or to keep me from falling for him.

The lovely and the most adorable way when he looks up from his long dark lashes. Impossible to look away, yet frightening to be staring at too long.

I miss it so much. I miss him so much.

Auburn. Auburn. Auburn.

That was the glorious color of his tousled hair.

Tousled to perfection as I like to think. So soft, so perfect, yet so messy.

It almost killed me when I realized I wanted so badly to run my hand through his hair that day when he ran his perfect hand in his own hair.

That was one of the many things that had caught my attention the first time I met him.

I could feel my hands running though them.

His sweet scent fluttering around me as he reaches for my hair.

A cold breeze swept by then. Washing me out of my day dream.

I racked my brain trying to find the scent I loved so much.

"Bella!" A voice I've learned to imprint into my skull and memorized called.

"I'm over here!" I yelled back smiling.

"Bella, love. Today the penguins were great! They were sleeping, and I had 5 penguins..."

The telephone rang inside the wooden structure behind me interrupting yet another illusion. Or was it another day dream? Nightmare?

I groaned as I stood up.

Maybe it would have been that way if he was here. So easy, so sweet.

I pinched myself on the way to the telephone, but I couldn't feel the pinch at all. I sighed.

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Bella! Oh look how much I've missed you! When are you going to be back from the cabin? We are short a player!"

"Alice?"

"That's me!" She chirped cheerfully.

"You honestly don't know when I'll be back?"

"No silly! You have yet to make up your mind!"

"Oh that's right. Let me think..." I paused trying to think of today's date.

"Two weeks? Perfect! Just in time for the next thunder storm!" Alice interrupted my very hard concentration on how many weeks I would stay in this dead and cold place filled with a humongous population of penguins.

"Hey! I didn't even say anything!"

"Yea, but you just decided 2 weeks, You're just slow Bells!"

I grumbled, "Sure. Don't rub it in!"

"Awe Bella! You know I love you!" She said it in the sweetest way possible. It was hard to argue with her when she uses that kind of voice.

"I know, and I love you too. Please say hi to the family for me?"

"Sure thing hun! Oh by the way, Emmett told me to tell you that he misses you and want you to come back sooner."

I smiled. Emmett always being the big brother.

"'Kay. Tell him I miss him too, and I'll be back in.."

"Two weeks! Got it!" Alice interrupted me yet again.

"Well, I guess I'll call you later then?" I tried to say that in the sweetest way possible trying to ruin Alice's mood. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

"Yes. Definitely, and Bella. Please, please, don't be so hard on yourself! Or else I might come by and steal you from the penguins down there!"

I laughed, and I could hear the smile in Alice's voice.

"Yes. I'm sure the penguins would plan a war against you Alice!"

"Oh I'm hoping so. I haven't had a challenge in quite a while with animals!" Alice laughed, "Well, I have to go!"

"Bye Alice! Love you." I said sincerely.

"I love you too Bella! Bye!" Alice replied as I put the telephone back down.

I sat in on the love seat Alice has installed in my cabin and stared at the warm fire place in front of me. The flame reminding me of the pain I had felt for three days.

That was right. The impossibly inevitable pain to becoming immortal. The pain I was not looking forward to.

Something Edward never got to see me be. Something I always dreamed to be when Edward was in my life. My perfect life with Edward.

I am a _vampire. _I struggled with the word in my mind.

I shuddered at the word.

I still couldn't get use to the name of what I am. A monster- Edward had called immortality to be, but I wasn't. Somehow I managed the first few years without the dying thirst of human blood.

It was weird. Something you would never expect. But I was excellent to doing the unexpected, and being the unexpected.

Maybe it was because I hated blood so much when I was mortal. The smell and the sight of it would make me feel faint instantly.

I laughed as I remember the day at school when I ended up in the nurse's office with Edward because I decided not to ditch class.

The whole Cullen family was impressed at how I survived without human blood. Jasper especially. At times I could feel some jealousy in him he had towards me, but he had told me he had nothing against me. Nothing.

A tear fell from me cheek.

What hurt the most was how Edward was not the one to make me immortal. To see me become something he was. Something he used to never agree to. Until after the compromise. I've done my part, but he never finished his part.

The tears spilled over now. I rested my head against a pillow. Slightly covering my face in it.

I just need the slightest hope to know that Edward was once here.

Just the smallest reminder if he had ever existed.

I know he had existed, but as time went on I began to feel more and more empty. Like Edward never existed. And then sometimes I would doubt the fact if he ever existed.

Like the scar he left me was fading. My heart getting smaller each seconds that passes by.

Than anger and hatred filled me.

I never would have thought that one day I would want to try to get a million of crowbars just to try and kill Jacob Black. I mean, I would have tried to knock him out with a crow bar before, but now.. I just wished I had never known him, and to my liking, he was completely out of my life, physically.

He was my best friend. The one I ran to when Edward left me the first time. The one who was in love with me, and I so stubbornly rejected the fact that I also loved him back.

That love turned to pure hatred. Hatred toward Jacob black while I loved him. How ironic.

But since then, I've always hated Jacob Black. Hated him to death.

Edward gave him the choice of coming to my wedding. The choice.

The choice I wished Edward had never sent out. But he thought I was being stubborn - as always -.

Jake ran away, and came back one night after me and Edward's wedding.

I stared at the shiny ring on my left hand. Bringing back loads of memories and another fresh batch of tears.

I remember so clearly the difference Jacob was the night he came back as a wolf. His fur was much wilder, and everywhere instead of smooth.

His eyes had a glint of red in them, and he definitely passes as the quote, "If looks could kill".

He no longer looked friendly. No longer _my_ Jacob.

That night Edward and I walked out of a fancy Italian restaurant to find him sitting there. Waiting for Edward -since he was barely staring at me I assumed he was waiting for Edward-.

Edward knew what he was thinking and instantly - with his swift and quick movements called Alice- pressed his cold lips on my lips and disappeared into the woods with Jacob. It was a cold, and hard kiss. Full of fury and sadness.

I've experienced that kind of kiss before.

Alice was by my side in less the five seconds with worry in her eyes. She hugged me with her iron grasp as I tried to struggle free from her hold. I so desperately wanted to run after Edward in the woods that night.

All I wanted to see him again. One more glimpse. One more touch. One more kiss.

Tears had formed in my eyes as I heard a piercing scream and a wolf cry coming form deep in the woods.

Alice instantly put me on her back and ran into the forest where Edward was. My eyes wide open, scanning the forest for any sings of Edward.

As we got closer we could hear fire crackling. The smell of the fire burned my nose.

I cried harder, trying not to imagine why and where the smoke was coming from.

When we got to the scene all we found was a fire in the middle of destroyed trees and ripped pieces of clothes scattered everywhere around the fire. It was the most horrific crime scene I've ever witnessed.

No dead bodies.

No big wolfs.

My love gone.

I passed out that night. Hoping to forget everything, and wanting to think it was all just another nightmare.

Tears. Cries. Depression. Sadness.

I blocked out the misery that happened after.

"DAMMIT EDWARD!" I yelled furiously throwing my pillow into the fire in front of me.

The phone rang, again.

I trudge up from the couch to pick it up. Knowing who it was already. It didn't need to take a genius to know that.

"What do you want Alice?" I yelled. I couldn't keep my calm. A hint of annoyance ran through my voice.

"Bella. Please calm down! I just saw you throw a pillow into the fire place! Go get it out!"

"I'm crying right now, and you worry about a pillow?!" I yelled still hurt at the sharp memory. I fell into hysterics soon after. Falling to the floor with the phone to my ear. Hopeless. I felt totally and completely faithless and hopeless. No rescue would be at the end of the tunnel for me.

I sat there on the cold floor talking to Alice as she tried to calm me down. She passed the phone to almost everyone in the house as they knew how depressed and frustrated I was. They did their best at cheering me up, or get me off of the cold floor, and stop the tears.

2 hours passed as I slowly put the phone back on the hook. My head felt numb.

I walked back to the couch to find the pillow I'd thrown into the fireplace burnt to pieces.

I mentally noted to myself to buy a new pillow for Alice on the way back.

I touched my face. Feeling the coolness of my hands, trying to wipe away dry tears. If that was possible.

A vampire. The thought popped into my mind.

Becoming a vampire...

After I lost Edward I was basically in a bigger mess then the one I was in the first time Edward left me. A much bigger and different mess. Because this time I knew he would be gone for good, but in the back of my mind, I still hoped for him to raise form the dead. Well, at least a third attempt at living.

I winced at the thought. Remembering how I acted like a zombie, or maybe worst.

My life had gone downhill. All the way to the pit of hell.

Charlie had gotten terribly sick. I had taken care of him day and night, hoping that by some miracle that he may be better soon, so I could continue to dwell.

Eventually Charlie was too weak and passed away. Bringing on a whole new level of depression.

It was like stacking pancakes on top of each other, but for me life was stacking my heart with depression and most of all pain. I don't know how much a heart can be filled with pain, but my heart would have probably beat the world record.

I didn't know what to do with my life after Charlie passed away. I was really tempted to live with Renee, but I couldn't leave Alice, or Carlisle, or Esme for that matter.

So, I begged on my knees at Alice to turn me into a vampire, and she finally gave in.

Carlisle and Esme were especially supportive.

They had adopted me and treated me as if I was their real daughter.

So here I am. Finally one of the Cullens.

Bella Cullen. Isabella Cullen.

Renee and Phil believed I had died too, so they moved to Africa.

They were easily convinced. I winced.

I would occasionally go to Africa with Alice to just see if they were doing okay. And as time passed it was like I had never existed to them.

At times I would fine my mom crying, but other than that she seemed to be happy.

I smiled, and the smile quickly turned into a deep frown again. Thinking about all that had happened to me in the last forever had drained all my energy out.

I wanted so badly to hold the tears in, but being traitors as usual they spilled over. Causing me to weep again. I wonder if I could ever run out of tears.

I told myself once that I never wanted to cry ever again. Because Edward wants me to be happy even if he's not here beside me. Comforting me. Making my heart speed up. Making me lovesick.

But no matter where he is - the deepest part of hell or the highest point of heaven - I will go there someday to meet him, and so we could ful fill _forever_ with each other.

"_I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever."_ His irresistible voice, clearer than ever, smoother than velvet played in my mind.

And right there and then I did have the slightest hope that he had ever existed, and that we would someday meet again.

_Forever._ The word repeated itself in my mind with** his** voice.

I smiled - falling into a deep slumber.

**A/N; Yea, please don't throw stick and stones at me! Hope you like it! Please Reviewww. Edward will forever love you if you review this story! Thanks so much for reading!**

**-Love Cory!**


	2. Alt Ending

**A/N;** I know. I know. This is suppose to be a one-shot, but someone pointed out that **VAMPIRES COULDN'T SLEEP**. For some odd unknown reason while I was writing this one-shot, I totally and completely blanked out on **that** idea. I feel completely idiotic! I know I will get reviews saying, 'Why is Bella sleeping if she's a vampire?' and MWhy is Bella crying?' So let's just 'pretend' Bella can cry! (;

And as for the sleeping part.. I just really had to redo the ending line. I am completely a _perfectionist_, and want this to be perfect, so here is the **Alternate Ending - Last line.**

OLD; _I smiled - falling into a deep slumber._

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I smiled - thinking about _forever_ once again with Edward.

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Better?

Hope so!

Thanks!

-loveCory


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